alright, let me spin you a story written by yours truly. here it goes:
it kind of sucks hard being a victim. you don't choose to be in that situation, you don't choose to be fucked over and all that shit. motherfuckers choose you. and sometimes, those motherfuckers didn't even choose you! sometimes it's just collateral damage they didn't think about. or maybe they did, and didn't care. or something. and that's why you call them motherfuckers. because they are. motherfuckers. not literally, but you know?
as a victim, you start to think things like why me?, and—well that's the main one, and when i really start to think about it, the only one. it's kind of like: fuck my life! why me? i'm a good kid! the Golden Child, even! i get averages of 87% every year, i finish with honours. i don't do drugs, i don't drink (i only did once, i'm sorry okay? OKAY?), i don't smoke. i don't even really GO anywhere to do anything bad. i play volleyball, even captain the team. (you're fucking fantastic, by the way, at least for the team. motherfuckers never came out to see me, not even once.) i tried to give blood, but i was the only one who was able to that day, so gelder had to cancel. i'm a blood donor! or at least a willing blood donor! WHY ME?, right?
but seriously, what the fuck. why me? and then the guilt hits you and it's kind of like, why NOT me? you kind of start to think, like, there are fucking kids in africa! and in cambodia! and brazil! and fucking EVERYWHERE who are starving and homeless and having fucking AIDS and malaria and kwashiorkor and stuff. the stuff that the commercials tell you about and show you videos of to make you basically feel like shit for what you have, make you feel like shit for what you didn't do, but could try help avoiding. that kind of stuff. (you think how you don't eat everyday too, but push that aside because, you know, why NOT me? there are people who have it worse!)
now with why NOT me? floating around, you feel even worse because you STILL feel like shit. what the flying wankery is this noise? feel grateful, you little twirp! why NOT me?, right? wrong! says whatever part of you that controls your subconciousness or whatever the fuck it is. that side is still feeling why me? but your mind is all like, why NOT me? well fucking shit, right? you're kind of like, why (NOT) me? and then you kind of feel stupid because you know it should be why NOT me?, but you still feel why me?
either way, you're either a helpless victim or an ungrateful bitch. fuck you, lose-lose situations! fuck you right up your tight virgin asshole because i still feel like fucking shit! fuck fuck fuck fuck YOU, fuck YOU YOU YOU.
and after that swearing parade, you feel a little better even though you know it was stupid.
but then you go back to feeling like shit. it's a lose-lose situation, you know. but fuck. it. up. the. anus. or vajayjay. whatever you want. or maybe in the mouth because you know, we're kind of freaky and like it all ways. some people, anyway.
now you kind of feel better. well you don't really, but it's like, not personal any more. well it is, but i can't find a better way to explain it. it's like. okay, you just got over the immediate post feeling or whatever, and now you've kind of distanced yourself away from it. now you kind of feel a little lethargic, a little apathetic, even a little amused (at yourself). you still feel stupid and hurt and why (NOT) me, but now it's kind of like why the fuck can i do? NOTHING, YOU LITTLE TWIRP! NOTHING! and you know, you don't feel bitter about that right now. things aren't okay, but it's okay anyway. c'est la vie is such a general fucking statement, but i guess, you know, c'est la vie.
